Struggle for the Better

    Why must there be opposition in all things?! Honestly it drives me crazy when I do find myself going through something bitter I can't help but be bitter myself. But in the end when something is sweet it is that much sweeter because of the struggle you went through and can lead to a series of magnificent events. I would like to share with you an experience that is so close to my heart.

    We have been driving for days. I am convinced that we have been on this voyage for days and we will never reach our destination. Good thing there are windows because there is completely nothing to look at....Oh wait, there's a cow! And now, nothing but open farm land. So open all you can see is the horizon and nothing interrupting that perfect line where the earth ends. I look up at the few white clouds spotted in the blue sky. I close my eyes and drift back to sleep because who knows how long we will be driving for.
    I wake up to an abrupt stop. I try to gain focus and realize that we are back with civilization! Yes, there was an end to our voyage. Finally we are here and I dont know what to do with myself. I begin to feel anxious. I get up and out of the car to grab my things. My mom and aunt follow and we start to unload the car. I have no idea where to go and somehow I end up across the street giving my name for my room so I am able to have my keys to get into my dorm room. As I make my way back to my mom and aunt we begin bringing my things up to my room. This is so exciting and it's really happening; Im going to college.
   After everything had settled down and my mom had helped me get everything ready from organizing my room to running to the store for supplies it was time for good bye. This is so surreal, Im saying good bye to my mom for 4 months. My mom is hysterical. I give her a hug and tell her I love her and say good bye. As I walked up to my room I lose it and it hits me all at once that I am on my own. I pull myself together and immediately I grow excited because the next few months are going to be spectacular!

3 weeks later

   I walk through the double doors leading into the hall way of the chapel. I plop down onto the coach and I look down at my phone; Mom, call. Mom I want to come home. I have no friends, I am completely alone. I start to cry. This whole experience is nothing that I thought it would be. Teisa, you need to stick it out for another few months it will get better. We talk for another 30 minutes, I calm down and I get up from the couch and start to walk back to my dorm. I have never felt so alone. There is one time I recall feeling alone but I was still living at home and had my mom there to help me through that horrible experience. At this moment in time I literally am alone with no one here physically. There is something about knowing that there is someone physically there with you that gives you so much comfort. I am slipping into depression and there is no one to help pull me out. 

     At that moment if I knew everything that I would gain from sticking it out there is no way I would have cried. There is no way I would have felt desperate to go home. I would not have cared that I was alone for such a short time. Being alone for those 3 short weeks later gave me an eternal family, lifetime friends, precious memories and incredible experiences that will forever leave a deep impression on my soul. Cedar City is a place that is so special to me. When I decided to go to school at Southern Utah University I had no intention of living there, marrying and starting a family there. Making friends were on my agenda but not expecting to make ones that I know will last a life time. Its incredible to me how the choices you make may put you through misery and in that moment you think that your world is over but when you stick it out with faith it makes the journey through misery do able and you come out winning. 

    Going through misery is part of life but so is experiencing joy. The beauty of life is being able to look back at all your struggle and realize everything you have now because of it. I love that thought. I love that we are able to receive better things then what we planned but of course there is a price just like everything else. To receive better things we need to experience hardships and pain because without it I dont think we would be as grateful. Now this experience is so small but the things that have followed weigh so much. I am so thankful for opposition because if I did not go through misery I would not know happiness.

The Brown Girl

A Daddy Wrote a Letter

    Recently I was scrolling through Pinterest and I came across a wonderful pin "A Daddy Wrote a Letter to His Daughter". I instantly clicked, intrigued with what this letter entailed. He wrote of an experience where he and his wife came across an article on a Google search entitled "How To Keep Him Interested". I realized where this letter was going and was very excited to read the rest. I won't spoil it because I would love for you to read it. Of course while I was reading this letter I could only think of Austyn and our future daughters. If you have a daughter I think you can relate and possibly had the thought cross your mind: how do I teach my daughter to be virtuous? And realize her self worth? I believe that it is so important to teach her that "She is more precious than rubies; and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared to her" (proverbs 3:15). 

    There is something about girls that have precious in their description. Based on how these precious souls have been raised or treated growing up plays a huge role on what kind of decisions they make. I want not only Austyn but Kannon as well to understand how important and highly favored a women's worth is. A women's worth; is it highly favored by you, do you have a good definition of it, have you even bothered to care? Well I think that every women is different and maybe even has her own definition of what a women's worth is. All I hope is that you know your worth is unmeasurable and that you deserve the best. I hope that you are treated well by those around you and most importantly that you are treating those with love and compassion. That is beauty: lifting other women up and helping empower them because there is nothing more ugly then someone putting another down. 

    As women lets make sure to empower one another and remind each other what we are worth. We are worthy of time, respect and love; pure love. A love that is kind and unconditional. We deserve everything great and so do our men. We need to put out respect in order to receive respect. Please dont read this thinking that I am placing women higher then men because we are all equal. We need to remind one another that a little one is watching and that we are setting an example of love. We are telling them with our actions how we can become worthy and what we are worthy of. I believe that by our examples we are able to bring up virtuous young women and we will be able to teach our young men respect. If there was one thing I would want my daughter to understand it would be found in Proverbs 3:15 because there is nothing more beautiful than a virtuous young woman who understands her worth and will not settle for anything less then a pure love.

The Brown Girl

Precious Gifts

    Children are so precious. They are so helpless and they depend on us to take care of them wether we are competent or not. Henna comes home from work quite often with things to tell me about patients he saw throughout the day. Today he came home telling me about a little boy and his parents and it really hit home for me. Now this little boy is about 4 months old and was admitted to Primary Children's because he is "failure to thrive". He was in this category because he supposedly wouldn't eat. Now what had hit home to me was what Henna had to say about his parents. His parents were teenagers and didn't seem very stressed that their son was in the hospital. When doctors or nurses would come in to educate them they would back with a glaze over their eyes and show no interest in making their son's situation better. They would be sitting in the room playing and tickling each other rather than hold their son. While they were staying in the hospital the parents of this little boy were smoking weed in the hospital bathroom instead of tending to their child. Luckily this little boy did not end up going home with his parents but taken to child protective services. I couldn't help but cry when Henna was telling me all of this. Why do children come to this earth into the care of parents that aren't competent? Its not fair.

    I began to think of my own children and reflect on if I am providing enough for them. Am I meeting their needs? Am I patient with them? Am I teaching them to be good people? I hope so and if not I know that I am working towards it. They are special to me and deserve the best of everything. I just dont understand how parents dont change their ways after witnessing these children and the light that they have. A light that helps you realize what is important and that is helping maintain that light and teaching them how to share it. But addictions will always win over your loved ones including your children no matter how much you say you love them. Your addictions will hurt them without you realizing. Children need their parents for everything and if we aren't the ones helping they will find it somewhere else outside of your home. 

    Being a parent is a blessing and I hope you dont look at it in any other way. We are given these precious little souls and how we react wether they were planned or not is all on us. It is a shame that some dont react at all and live the same they did before they had children and made no changes to better the environment that they are living in. Being a parent is a blessing because our children are given to us to help us become better and hope that every one of us is  striving to progress and not stay at a stand still, they deserve better then that. 

The Brown Girl