Shower Thoughts

    The other night I was about to take a shower and before I did I had to take a look in the mirror at my new body. As I examined my body there were marks all up along my sides, stomach and thighs. My thighs thicker and my hips wider. I couldn't stand to look any longer so I jumped into the shower. I began to get upset at what my body had become; hideous. My mind started to picture my use-to-be body and how it was free of marks and not so wide set. Before I could start crying I stopped my negative thoughts with a question, "Does the appearance of my body really matter?"

    What do I honor most? Vanity or Humility?

    Henna has really engraved in my brain that someone's aura out weighs their beauty and he's right. The mentality and personality that you have effects so much of what you look like. I know that the women and men I admire are not based on what they look like but who they are and how they live their life. I have to admit that when in high school I was extremely vain and with that came selfishness. All three of my children have really kicked me in the bum. Austyn helped me to grow up in the categories of being responsible and selfless. Payton has given me better understanding of my calling as a woman. For myself it isn't to be in the work field but to be at home with my children teaching them and helping them grow into people that will only contribute positive things to society. Kannon has only solidified what Henna has taught me on physical appearance. All these characteristics are things that I am still working on but without my children and husband my eyes would not have been open.

    Now dont get me wrong its not that I dont want to be at a healthy weight or to look good in a bathing suit I would just rather put more of my time and energy to maximize my calling as a mother and wife. I feel that it is extremely important to be healthy and take care of yourself but if your day or night is being taken up by things that is only helping you then you will only make the next day consist of more things that are about you to satisfy the craving to feel good about yourself. You feel good about yourself when you help someone else feel good about themselves. Now try to understand that I am human and I am not announcing to the world that I am this superstar of a mom and wife because Im not perfect and there are days, more often then not, where I lose sight of who I am trying to be. But I have my children and husband to remind me that it is humility that I honor most. To me it is to be selfless, patient, knowledgeable, humble and diligent in everything.

    In all honesty stretch marks aren't my favorite and I dont think they are for anyone but those markings have meaning. Without them would mean I wouldn't have children. Without them I wouldn't have been able to learn and switch my mindset to something that is worth more then an image in the mirror.

The Brown Girl